I think everyone knows that I am a country music fan. "Slow Down" is a song by Dierks Bentley. The title of the song is more meaningful to me today than the actual lyrics. The song is about a woman leaving him and not even looking back. Oh, I could go on, but I just wanted to say that I am ready for things to settle down here at home, and in my own mind. I'm feeling like I'm in over my head lately.
I've taken on some bad habits, like staying up way to late at night. In the past few nights, my head hasn't hit the pillow until nearly 3am. A big "no-no"! I don't want to fall into that schedule but it looks like I'm heading in that direction. While the kids don't go back to school until Aug. 31st, I don't want to sleep their vacation away. I stay up late on the internet and then before I can actually go to sleep, I read. (I have to admit, I'm reading more and more books of late and so far, I've enjoyed most of them!)
I'm waking in the morning like I have in the past and it scares me. It is a bit hard to type this now because of how shaky my hands and body are. There is so much weighing on my mind that I'm afraid that I'll send myself backwards and I'm trying so hard to fight it. There are a few things going on with my family and my health that I am worried about and I should have some answers soon, so I'm hanging on to dates and once I get past them, I should be just fine. Depression and anxiety are a bad combination and even though I take medication, I still feel it's presence and when it builds up like it is now, I have to try to control it. It's not at all easy. I contimplate taking more meds, but being the pill hater that I am, I somehow manage to get through it without the pills. It's somewhat of a mind game and the "cheat" is staying positive. Let things happen as they will and don't worry about them until they actually happen. "Cross that bridge when you come to it", is the mentality that I have to keep. I'm trying.
I looked forward to the boys' last day of school and the start of summer vacation. I thought things would get easier, but that's not happening. Life is just whizzing right by and I'm finding myself too busy to do some of the things that I had hoped to have time for on a less hectic schedule. It's so strange. While no one really wants to get older, I'm finding myself not wanting to, simply because of how much faster it goes as I age. It's not just happening to me, but to everyone around me. It's like a race, and those that can handle it are in the front of the pack while I struggle to even keep up. I'm hopeful that I will find the way to be able to manage it all, I just need time to come up with a plan. *Sigh*
My Aunt Pat and I will never end a phone conversation on a bad or sad note, so I will do the same with this entry.....
I know that God is by my side through this. He's been sending me some signs and I am very aware of them. Again, country music fan here, there is a song by Travis Tritt that is a real pick-me-up. Yesterday, Dennis' car got him to work but wouldn't be able to bring him home without being fixed. As much as I didn't want to make that trip to pick him up from work and take him to the junk yard (I had things I wanted to do here at the house), I almost had no choice. As soon as the boys and I got into the van and buckled, I started the van and that Travis Tritt song had just started, "It's A Great Day To Be Alive". I hear that song and know that everything will be alright. Weird thing is.....I don't have that song on CD or even on my iPod. It just comes on the radio at just the right time. God is so great!
****I'm sure there will be days with Kenny Chesney refrences. LOL ( <------ HA! I at least got his name in this post!)
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