Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Of course, it can never be peaceful around here. Corey and Collin bicker and fight and then minutes later they are best friends again. This last time that we had the Micro Machines out, they were at each other pretty bad....that is, until big brother Brad stepped in.
He was nice about it and explained to the boys that maybe, since they are twins, and are always together, they are getting tired of playing with each other. He went on to say that maybe they just needed a little privacy.
Corey then went into his room for his "privacy". I went into the bathroom and Collin followed me in. While in the bathroom, he told me how Corey needed his privacy, etc., etc. Not a whole minute passed before Collin went into his room and I overheard him asking his brother if he was done with his privacy and did he want to go play again. Of course, Corey was done and they went back out to the living room to play some more.
A few more "privacy breaks" later, they were done playing and moved on to something else. LOL
An unlucky beetle:
Sunday, July 20, 2008
We parked in lot E but then moved to D where Michelle and her sister-in-law were. (Michelle went to school with Dennis and is the secretary where he now works.) It was under a bridge so we were shaded from the sun. Still, it was hot and humid, in the 90's but it was better than being in the direct sun.
Michelle and her sister-in-law had tickets for the sand bar (the country version of a mosh pit) so they headed in around 2:30pm. Michelle promised to get me a good pic of Kenny if she could and she'd e-mail it to me later. I was turning a bit green with envy but at the same time, her tickets cost her A LOT more! I was just happy to be there and I took some mental notes from the advice that Michelle and her SIL gave me. (I was told I could get great deals on tickets if I join the KC fan club, but they told me that's not so).
Dennis and I headed into the stadium around 3:30pm. I was in awe by the whole thing and could feel the anticipation building as we entered the stadium. I was just a few hours away from Kenny!!!
Once inside, we decided to get my shirt first and then I'd change into it in a bathroom. I knew just what shirt I wanted. It was incredibly hot in the little shop where shirts, etc. were sold. The sweat just poured off of us. It felt hotter than a sauna, although I've never been in one. LOL They didn't have the shirt I wanted but they did have the hat. I was hoping to a shirt and a hat and I was going to get a different shirt until Dennis burst my bubble. He only had a little cash on him. The hat was $40 and he could get me a light up necklace but that was it. After it was all paid for, he burst my bubble again (in this case, a bubble could be burst twice). He had just enough money for the tolls on the Turnpike to get us back home (which, by the way was $3.25).
We then went up to our seats. We had tickets for section 224, row 8, seats 3 & 4. Wow! We were pretty high up. It wasn't nearly as bad as I'd thought it would be. I have a fear of heights and one time we were at an arena for a monster truck show and we were up high and you had a feeling of falling frontward. This was not the case. There was a glass wall-type thing getting in my way, but other than that, it wasn't that bad. It was actually kind of neat!
We sat in our seats and watched Gary Allen sing 2 songs. He has a few songs that I like, but it was hard to recognize them. When he left the stage, we left our seats to get out of the sun. We then went down to the 100 level and tried to think of how we'd be able to get at least a drink. We were both hungry since neither of us ate anything at all up to this point. The food and drink prices were outrageous, just as we suspected they'd be. I remembered that I had a few dollars on my debit card and we decided to give it a try. I got a bottle of water and Dennis got a soft pretzel.
Leann Rimes came on next. She was real spunky and put on a great show. Her voice is just beautiful. She hit some high notes and it gave me goose bumps! We were still on the 100 level and we walked over to a shady place to stand. It was then that I noticed the buses below. We could tell which ones were Kenny's. There were pirate flags in the front windows, but we figured it was probably his band's bus. He wouldn't be in something so obvious. There was another bus with "Kenny Chesney Poets and Pirates" on it real big. We knew he wasn't in that one either.
We went for another walk and by this time Sammy Hagar came on stage. We didn't like him in the '80's and we didn't like him now. The first song he sang was, "I Can't Drive 55". Blah. We went for another walk and ended up back over by the buses. It was then that I met up with a woman that we'd seen a few times. She was telling me that Kenny was in the white bus and he's been in and out a few times. One time, he went down onto the floor to buy a Corona, but was mobbed by the crowds. She got a picture of him. Well, that was all I needed to hear. The whole time Sammy Hagar was on, we stood there and watched Kenny's bus. I didn't want to leave that spot and chance missing Kenny. It was then that I saw Keith Urban. I was too slow with my camera and missed the shot, but it was so exciting to see him! I then hung my camera around my neck.
We watched as people went in and out of the bus. We knew there was something going on because there were golf carts parked just so and men on radios. Just like that, the door of the bus opened and I got my camera up to my eye and there he was! I didn't have time to really focus and I couldn't help but scream, "Kenny" when I saw him. I couldn't steady the camera real good and since there was another vehicle in the way, I just got a picture of his head. Still, I was very happy!
Keith Urban started singing and it was then that we went back to the spot we were at to watch Leann. Dennis and I both watched as people just wasted the water they bought. We were so parched. We were too exhausted to even think of climbing the many flights of stairs to get to our seats. Luckily, every time we came back to this spot, there was a place for us to stand.
I really enjoyed Keith Urban. He was great! He thanked the crowd for coming and paying the high gas prices to get there. He sounded so good and sang in such a way that you felt like you were in the front row. It's hard to explain and I did get more goose bumps on my arms! He was fantastic!
Dennis wanted to leave "our spot" to go and sit down, but knowing that Kenny was up next, I wasn't leaving! lol I was right behind the last row in the 100 section. I told him he could go and sit down, but I wasn't leaving there. He stayed.
A big curtain covered the stage with the whole Poets and Pirates thing on it. Then, it lifted. I was looking for Kenny but didn't see him. There were guys on the stage with some sort of cannon-type things shooting things (I'm assuming they were bunched up shirts) into the crowd. We were no where near close enough to catch any but I imagined how lucky the people that caught them were.
The anticipation and excitement was surreal. Then, he came out. I screamed at the top of my lungs like a teenager. LOL It was just an amazing and uncontrollable feeling. He started with "Summertime", which also happens to be my ringtone, by the way. :) I sang loud and proud to each and every song! It was just amazing! The goose bumps and chills up my spine were continuous! The other songs he sang were:
- Big Star
- Beer In Mexico
- Never Wanted Nothing More
- When The Sun Goes Down
- No Shoes, No Shirts, No Problems
- Shift Work
- Wild Ride
- Got A Little Crazy
- Island Boy
- How Forever Feels
- Don't Happen Twice
- Back Where I Come From
- Don't Blink
- Live Those Songs Again
- Keg In The Closet
- I Go Back
- Living In Fast Forward
- Anything But Mine
We got to the van and we each had keys in our hands ready to unlock the doors. We each guzzled down a bottle of water in seconds. We decided to leave the lot since we'd be beating the traffic. We both admitted that we were missing the boys too. More than likely, they'd be in bed before we'd get home. We drank water and iced tea almost one after the other for the whole ride home. We didn't listen to the radio, we just talked. I was surprised that despite being hungry and thirsty, Dennis actually made some nice remarks about this experience. He admitted that Kenny sounded great live. (I already knew that since I have his "Live" CD. lol) He even said he wouldn't mind doing it again and next time, we'd have more money with us! I'll take that as having another chance to see Kenny again! WooHoo!!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
June 8, 2001 - We're pregnant!
July 3, 2001 - I had an ultrasound, due to some "spotting"....We're having TWINS!!
*It's hard to see baby "A" on top, baby "B" on bottom.
"A" is Corey, "B", Collin
Their birth story:
8:30am - non-stress test at Gnaden Huetten Hospital. I joked with the nurses that I couldn't go into labor that night because final episode of "Survivor 3" would be on that night, a special 2-hour episode from 8-10pm, ending with the million dollar winner. Could NOT miss that!
9:50pm - Lying on the couch, "Survivor" down to the final two, WATER BROKE! No labor pains. My mom got a "little" excited and woke Dennis after aproximately 5 minutes of sleep. Mom got me a change of clothes and whil Dennis was getting ready, I called Angie (Wentz) Eidem to tell her what happened.
10:30pm - got settled into a bed in "labor room". Had small contractions, but not too regular, was about 3 and a half centimeters.
6:00am - finally opened to 5cm, got shot in my back to ease labor pains. (Nurse called it an "intrathecal".
abt. 7am - open to 9 and a half centimeters, taken to delivery room
7:33am - Corey Evan was born, looked really good and cried right away. After Corey was born, Dr. Miller tired to reach in and turn Colin around (he was breech), but he would not turn, could not deliver breech. Colin's heart rate dropped below 60, and they rushed to give c-section. Dennis was "shoved" out of the delivery rom, I was "knocked out". I remember them putting mask on my face, a terrible feeling of being smothered and it didn't smell good.
7:55am - Colin was born, although I was unaware of it. :(
abt. 10am - was waking up in recovery room in a "daze", could not speak right away, heard nurses commenting on my episiotomy and my I.V. was a mess (right hand). When I could finally speak, I asked how Colin was and where Dennis was. I didn't really get answers right away, but then they said Colin was on oxygen and a heart monitor and should be o.k.
abt 10:30am - I was taken to my regular room in a lot of pain and complaining of terrible pain in my belly. Chrissy (my sister) was in my room when I got there. She gave me my glasses. Then, a nurse came back in to tell me that they had to take me back to the delivery room to repair my episiotomy. I learned later, that Dr. Miller never stitched it because of rushing to do the c-section. They told me it would not hurt, but it did. Also found out that c-section was an "up & down" cut and had to be that way because it was an emergency and that was the quickest way to get Colin out. C-section was stapled with 20 staples! OUCH!
abt 10:55am - I got to see Corey, but could not hold him. I was still too groggy. Colin had a feeding tube and heart monitor on, he was brought in later for me to see.
abt 2pm - Catheter was taken out and potossin was stopped. Being on the pitossin was like being in labor, even though I had already deliverd my boys. Not fun.
I.V. was taken out
2:00pm - I was discharged from the hospital, but the boys had to stay. We went back later that night for feeding.
At home, I cried like a baby when I saw the nursery at home. I was shocked to see what my mom, Dennis, Ted (my brother), Terry (Ted's wife), Chrissy (my sister), my dad, and Aunt Linda (my mom's sister) were up to while I was in the hospital. Ted and Terry bought 2 beautiful dressers, bedding for the cribs ("Blue Jean Teddy" print), and material for curtains that my mom made. Dad & Marilyn (his wife) bought me a new crib and so did Rich and Polly (Dennis' dad & step-mom) but it wasn't assembled yet, that would come later. Chrissy and Aunt Linda got sweater sets and Aunt Linda won 2 stuffed animals from a "claw" machine at Wal-Mart. Diane Moser (a friend and Chrissy's neighbor) got 2 blue buntings for the boys. It was awesome! I can never thank them enough! (I feel lke the luckiest person in the world!)
abt 9am - Dr. Ambani called and said we should be able to bring BOTH boys home sometime this morning after bili ruben results.
11:30am - Both boys can come home! Nurse called and said my "little giants" can come home!
*Collin on the left, Corey on the right*
*Collin on the left, Corey on the right*
*Not written down, but I remember- Uncle Bub was there when the boys were being discharged. The nurse, Patty, suggested that I spell "Colin" with a second "L". She said people would probably pronounce his name like "colon". I asked Dennis what he wanted to do, and as usual, he let it up to me. Uncle Bub agreed with the nurse, so I added the second "L". I really didn't care much about spelling at the time. I was just anxious to take my boys home.
?:??pm - Corey peed and got dad all wet. Dad's 1st "golden shower"!
11:00am - We went away for an appointment at W.I.C. It was a quiet trip in the car. Both boys were angels! The ladies at the W.I.C. office adored them and commented on how cute the boys are.
11:30am - We made it! We survived our first 24 hours at home. Corey and Collin are to be woken up every 3 hours for feeding. Both are drinking from 1 to 1 3/4 oz. of formula. Collin is the more sluggish eater and neither of the boys will eat as good for dad as they do for mom.
One week old today!
Baby shower! It was a total surprise! I thought my mom's friend was coming to see the boys and that was why she forced me into the shower. I was in Corey and Collin's room, hanging pictures on the walls and when I came out, everyone was in the living room and dining room. I was told that everyone met at Wal-Mart so they would get here at the same time. Chrissy put blue balloons on her car so everyone knew it was her. Those here were: my mom, Chrissy & Alyssa, Aunt Linda & Katie, Polly, Roxy, Ashlee, Amanda, Abbi, Steph & Josh, Raymond & Petey, Angie, Amber, & Sammy, Lois, Dad, Marilyn & Sammy, Uncle Leon & Aunt Pat, Sue & Betty, Aunt Betty & Savannah, Brook & Lucas.
*I didn't have this written down, but it's something I'll always remember. Marilyn (Dad's wife) had a heart attack at my shower. It was so scary. It seemed like it took forever for the ambulance to get here. She ended up having by-pass surgery and she felt that she ruined my shower. She didn't and we were all glad that she recovered.
Our first appointment with Dr. Ambani (pediatrician). Uncle Leon went along to help me. I got down to the last step out front and I fell with Corey. Luckily, I took the brunt of the fall and it was like nothing even happened. Corey never made a sound. Dr. Ambani weighed and measured. Corey: 5lbs. 8 oz. , 19 1/4 inches. Collin: 5lbs. 3oz., 18 1/4 inches.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Tonight I'm in a pretty good mood. A little bored, maybe, but happy. I like the way it feels and it's nice that family and friends are noticing the change in me. I've noticed it too, but I didn't realize that it would be so obvious to others.
Dennis and I cut Uncle Leon's grass tonight. Uncle Leon is to take it easy for a few weeks since having stents put in his heart. He had 2 blockages. It really feels good when he and Aunt Pat tell me that I look good and just seem so much happier. They've noticed. What they probably didn't realize is that my happiness is also because I was doing them a favor. I'm happiest when I can help, and so is Dennis.
Since I'm feeling kind of happy tonight (and maybe a little bored, too) I want to make a list of some of the "little" things and even the "big" things that make me happy.
Happiness is........(in no particular order, of course)
Hugs with that little extra squeeze
A good hair day
Having a mom that totally "gets" me
Dennis's change in mood lately (happiness is contagious!)
Taking Brad to Boy Scouts
Time to myself while Brad is at Scouts
Playing with Corey and Collin
Catching fireflies and then letting them go
My "wanna-be" garden
Swimming in the pool
Quiet times at night on the front steps
My Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins and the closeness we share
My friends that are always there for me
Kind strangers, you know, the ones that smile and hold the door for you
My brother's jokes
Being with my sister
My nieces and nephews
Thinking about grandchildren (someday, let's not rush it!)
My backyard and the animals that visit
Learning more about my family
Knowing that there is a God
My blog (I can ramble all I want! lol)
Clothing that still fits from season to season
Aunt Betty's Sour Potato Soup
Decorating for the holidays
Laughing at the kids' jokes, even when they don't make any sense
A new pair of shoes
Visiting family and friends
Giving up your space in line for the person with less items behind you
Letters, postcards, and cards
Garbonzo beans and French dressing
Old "home movies"
Warm apple pie ala mode
Singing in the car
Learning something new
Oh, I could go on and on, but I will leave it at this tonight. I have a few other places I'd like to visit online tonight before I go to bed.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
It has to be a mental illness that I have. I need help, but I don't know where to get it. Our "quack", Dr. Durako doesn't seem to do much but at the same time I can't put all of the blame on him. I need meds, he gives me meds. I DON'T take the meds. I don't want to. The shame and embarrassment are holding me back.
I can't think straight, I have a hard time concentrating. I feel sometimes that the world is out to get me. I can't have total happiness, just partial happiness.
I am shaking inside, my palms are sweaty. I feel like I have a fever. My heart is broken, almost shattered.
What the h*ll happened to my life?? How can I possibly repair it? I don't want pills, I don't see how a pill could have such powers?
I am nothing, always have been and always will be. I do nothing. I say nothing. I sit back and let it all take over me. Why can't I be stronger?
I've done so much wrong that I can't make right. I can't change the past and I'm too stupid to try and change to better my future.
I have no friends.
I have no job.
I have no support at home.
I don't want pity. I want to feel important. I want to be happy with who I am, but I can't. Happiness is not allowed. I don't know how to be happy. I've screwed up so many things. How can I or why should I be happy when my own husband is tired of me? Why do I just sit here and wait for him to say we're done? Why can't I stand up to him and show him that what I do is not worthless? Why does he make me so afraid? I can't talk to him and if there's no communication, what's the point? I think he needs help too, but I couldn't tell him that. I don't know how to say it, or God forbid, it should come out of my mouth wrong. He might think I was trying to correct his faults. We all have faults, but his mind is telling him that the ones who love him most are the ones that are out to get him.
I don't feel at all like a woman. I don't look the part, either. I am fat and so unappealing. I can do something about it, but I don't. I like food too much, and bad foods at that. At my pity party I will tell everyone ho I wear hand-me-down bras. No, bras don't make you a woman, but I'd feel a little better having "my own". I don't even know how to shop for them. I don't know my size, but I know that it's something between a "Chrissy" and a "Linda". Oh, and if I talk to Dennis about this, he will get mad. He'd ask me, in a not-so-nice way, "Why don't you go and buy some then?" Like we have all kinds of money to go and do this. I feel a lot of guilt when I buy something for myself. I'm not the only one with needs in this house, and I certainly don't deserve, either.
It's all my fault.
I'm a disgrace.
I don't fit in.
I am fat.
I am ugly.
I can't let go.
I need a haircut.
I need a life.
I need strength.
I need people to see through my eyes what I see and to hear it how I do.
I need relief.
I need sleep.
I need to feel loved and appreciated.
I need to let go.
I need this to stop.
I need a bigger plate.
I feel trapped.
I feel fear.
Today was kind of sweet. Corey and Collin watch "their" shows until 1pm. I get the tv from 1 to 2pm. At 2pm, it's back to being "theirs". We watch Teletubbies and then Boobah. As Teletubbies cam on, Collin went to the couch and sat down to watch. I don't even think a whole minute passed before he called out to Corey. "You sit here", as he patted his hand aside of himself on the couch. Corey eagerly ran over to the couch to sit aside of his "buddy".
Then, Collin said, "No, get closer". Corey did, and there they sat, so cute and so quiet. It's times like those that they just melt my heart! They definately do share a special bond that I don't think many others could say they've had with their siblings. The can sometimes, I say sometimes because they have their moments, too, be each other's best buddies!
? not sure of the date-
I found this written in one of my notebooks.
If I had a nickel for everytime.......
- someone asked, "Are they twins?"
- someone asked "Are they are identical"
- someone would say, "double trouble"
- someone would say, "are they yours"
- someon would ask, "how do you tell them apart"
- someone would say " boy are your hands full"
- I'd have to say "no!" to them
- they'd climb on something
- I'd find a new brusie on their legs
- they'd take their diapers off
- someone would say, "I'm exhausted just watching you chase them around"
- someone would ask, "Where are the boys?" (when I'm out alone)
Not quite sure when it started, but it is a bit unusual. Corey and Collin have been eating at their own little table and feeding themselves for quite a while now. I give them each their plate or bowl of food and utensils and they start eating. About half-way through their meal, without saying a single word, they will both get up and switch places and just continue eating from the plate or bowl that is now in front of them.
I was holding Collin on the couch, in my lap. Corey was standing in front of us. Memmy Hedmeck was here. Corey started pointing at my arm saying, "boo-boos". Collin then investigated and said, "beauty marks"! I then asked Collin to show me his "beauty marks". He pointed to his boobies! Memmy laughed hysterically!
?/04- "Phone Conversations"
They boys love talking on their play phones. This is just one of many conversations they've had.
*before Daddy sold his truck the conversation went like this:
"Hello, Uncle Ted, Daddy's truck, yup, yup, bye"!
*after Daddy sold his truck and Uncle Ted bought a truck:
"Hello, Uncle Ted's truck, Daddy's car, yup, yup, bye"!
07/18/04- "Wasn't me"
It was morning and I heard Corey and Collin were awake. I quietly walked over to their (gated) doorway. They usually play with their toys in the morning. Their room was pretty messed up from all of the toys and clothing from their dressers that they threw around. I asked them, "Who made this mess?" Of course, Corey answered, "Braddy" (Bradley) did it!" (Already, at 2 1/2 years, it's not "their" fault.)
Some I have exact dates, and some I do not. I cannot post them in order exactly since I am just finding some notebooks and putting them in here.
So, here we go......
06/04- "Rootbeer Barrels"
Bradley had a "stash" of rootbeer barrels in his backpack. Corey and Collin love going through Brad's backpack, so when they brought me a small broen rootbeer barrel I knew they were after the backpack again. I immediately told Brad to put his backpack away where Corey and Collin could not get into it.
A few hours later, I was sitting at the computer while Dennis ran to Wal-Mart for duct tape when Collin brought me another small piece of rootbeer barrel! I was just about ready to yell at Brad for not putting his backpack away, when, for some unknown reason, I decided to do a "sniff" test on the rootbeer barrel, only to find out that it was NOT a rootbeer barrel! Euuuwww!!
* Dennis had to run to Wal-Mart for duct tape because we were completely out of it. We use duct tape to keep their (C&C's) diapers on. (They can and WILL take them off when not taped!)
I was getting a shower while ennis watched Corey and Collin so I could have a peaceful shower and because it's nearly impossible to watch them and shower at the same time.
Dennis had other things to do, so as soon as I was out of the shower, he brought them into the bedroom for me to watch them as I was getting dressed.
I was concealing myself as I dressed, and when I put my bra on they both saw it and said, "seatbelt".
A few days later, I was holding and playing with Collin on the couch. He grabbed my shirt and my bra strap stuck out. Again, he said, "seatbelt".
Kids are so funny!
06/30/04- "Looks like Daddy"
They came up with a new one today! We were lying on the floor (in hopes that they would take a nap) and then they pushed my bangs back and my forehead was showing. They thought this was funny and they called me, "Daddy". Now, when I tell them to make me look like Daddy, they push my bangs back!
*Daddy's hair has been thinning and receeding.