A little update...

It's been forever and a day since my last entry. Ugh. I've been sort of sick and just not up to typing in all of my sadness. My last entry was in December, and that was one of the hardest times ever in my life. Not long after that, Dennis finally got health insurance and I was able to go to the doctor.

I made a few trips to the ER before and after insurance. Things were getting pretty scary for me. I didn't understand what or why I was feeling. Scary is one word to describe it. I could barely leave the couch and I'd cry and cry because of how afraid I was of the trembling that I was feeling inside.

I still wake every morning with the trembling or "shaky" knees. I just tell myself that it will pass and getting the boys ready for school sometimes keeps me busy enough to forget the shakiness for a little while.

I now see a therapist. Her name is Kim. I'm not sure that Kim is exactly helping, but at the same time, I don't want to rush my opinion. I had a session this morning and she suggested journaling. Journaling reminded me of this poor blog that I've neglected again. I hope to get better with keeping up and get better healthwise too. I'm getting there, it's just taking a lot longer than I'd imagined it would. I am also now reading "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. Hopefully that will help!

I'm trying my hardest to be more positive, although at times that is very hard. It's hard some days to find happy people to surround yourself with. Dennis is miserable at his job, Trevor is angered by his work schedule, Brad hates homework, Corey and Collin don't want to come in from playing outside. It's always chaotic here.

Yesterday was a "milestone" for me. It's been 3 months since my last cigarette! I talk about it often and I'm sure some people are just sick of hearing me, but I don't think they understand just how hard it is to quit such a habit and I did it with no help. Cold Turkey!

I am happy today and hopeful. It will get better!

I hope to come back here more often and try to update as best I can. So much has been missed.